WikiRape

Dear Internet,

My thoughts on the rape charges against Assange:

Big questions hang over this affair, over the accusers, the accused, and the charges themselves. No one can deny that powerful forces want to fuck Julian Assange in the ass with a medium-sized treebranch (as large as unlubricated allows), nor can one deny that Mr. Assange is a unique individual, who may have women issues, like any number of people.

One thing that always needs to be made clear--if only to prevent a feminist lynching--is that having sex with someone who doesn't consent is rape. If they consent to sex with a condom, and you slip it in sans chapeau, you are engaging in rape, just like if you shoved it up their ass after talking about how you wanted to "make love."

Not that that doesn't count as making love, far be it from me to judge, whether love is for you a matter of sproingy buttsex or the dullest "natural" copulations. But as a definitional matter, unless your partner understands that you know love a posteriori (and as a product of the internet, I would sincerely hope that we all have evolved to the point where we can, with facility, spell love A-N-A-L), you should probably disambiguate your phraseology before embarking upon sodomy.

ANYway! As the above digression just maybe suggests, but probably doesn't, there's a lot that goes in to the creation of consent. Especially in sexual matters, where suggestion and nonverbal communication are central, the standard feminist line about "no" meaning "no" falls flat. So, ladies, for everyone's sake, if or when you withdraw consent, make it fucking clear, please?  Nobody wants to be an accidental rapist. Intentional, unfortunately yes, but that's a minority. No one wants to be an accidental rapist.

And this is the concern about the Assange Affair. Putting aside speculations about catty women and corrupt prosecutors (after all, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt) the circumstances of the charges, as far as I have heard, are clearly ambiguous. OK, here's the punch line of the whole fucking post:

Hey guys! Does Julian Assange even fucking speak Swedish?


Oh yeah.

Sincerely Yours,
Slag of the Internet